It Doesn’t Have to Go as Planned
It’s okay to cry on your birthday.
My family loves birthdays and makes a party out of everything. They have an even better excuse to do so when it’s double digits, a permit, a license, or any other extra special birthday. But here’s the thing… I can promise that I cried on every one of those nights.
The reasons for my tears vary, but a lot has to do with this one central idea; it’s a social norm to make a big deal out of celebrating birthdays. There is this notion that nothing can go wrong, and everyone is obligated to be nice to you. Everyone is so worried about what gift they got you, if you’ll like it enough, what time the party’s at, making sure they aren’t taking the attention away from you, and just all around making this day perfect that it is easy to get caught up in the moment instead of enjoying it.
I always feel a lot of pressure to reciprocate that energy; to make sure I am happy all day, thank people for loving me, and try so hard to live in the moment. Sometimes these days that can be so memorable end up being memorable for the wrong reasons because everyone involved was so stressed and didn’t stop to enjoy the moment.
My biggest advice is to keep these types of social norms from getting to your head. It took me a long time and many sessions of therapy to realize that not everything has to go exactly how you planned. Yes, you can plan, but at the same time, there is no need to be a perfectionist. I am a HUGE planner but throughout the years, I have learned to give everything wiggle room. Maybe your plan isn’t realistic, or you simply run out of time. But that is okay, honestly, it’s more than okay. You put in the effort, you showed up, and you gave it your all. That is all people can ever ask of you. Creating a structure gives you an idea and a sense of where to take things, but by no means should it be a binding contract. GO WITH THE FLOW and set realistic standards for yourself.
On big celebration days or, even just a normal day of the week, if you show up and try, that is all you can do. It is normal to get frustrated or upset when things aren’t perfect so please, feel those feelings. Cry on your birthday, cry in the shower, cry whenever you feel like it because you are a human being with emotions, and you have the freedom to feel and express your emotions. But most importantly don’t let these feelings consume you.