Spotlight On Inclusion: Michelle Friedman
We’re closing Jewish Disability Awareness, Acceptance, and Inclusion Month with Michelle Friedman, a member of our Jewish community who is sharing her experience of being a parent with a disability and discusses how the community can continue to grow its inclusive mindset.
What has your experience been like in the Jewish community? How have you felt accepted or included?
For the most part, I have always felt included in the Jewish community. When I lost the remainder of my vision 29 years ago and became totally blind, nothing changed. I have been extremely fortunate that the community and my friends had always made me feel like I belonged.
When my children were young and we carpooled to school, there were always friends who included us even when my husband couldn’t commit to driving during the workweek. I have always found that many people in our community would take the initiative to ask me if I needed a ride somewhere. It went beyond my friends when my children’s school always asked me to speak to the students to discuss and understand disabilities. Even in a professional setting, the boards I sat on, I was asked to take on leadership roles and my ability was never doubted. They would ask “Would I?” rather than “Could I?”
As I think about it many, many years later, no one in the community has ever hesitated to let their kids come over for a play date when I was home alone with their kids, nor did they ever ask if my husband, who is sighted, would be home when they left their kids. I appreciate the fact that my friends trusted me; they trusted me to know my limitations. I know I am very fortunate to have found acceptance and inclusion, and that not every disabled parent has that experience, but I am very grateful to have always felt like I belonged!
What do you hope your kids learn from your experiences?
Since my kids are in their 20s and 30s, they are at a point where I can see the impact my disability has had on them. I’m very proud to say that I believe my children from a very young age have had a greater sense of responsibility and have been more independent than most of their peers. When they were much younger, I think they probably saw that as a negative, but I believe now as adults they would say it has been positive. In many ways, I think my kids, like me, have learned to be more adaptable, empathetic, and are more resilient. I think they have understood from a young age that sometimes things happen that are out of our control, and it isn’t how or why it happened, but how are we going to handle it that is important.
Beyond even my children, I also see a very positive impact my disability has had on my grandchildren. They view disability as part of the human experience and not as something to pity and fear. Once my grandchildren got to an age where they realized that I couldn’t see, it was amazing to see how they naturally did things differently. Instead of saying, “See Boubie” when they wanted to show me something, they very naturally put it into my hand, and they always take my hand or offer their arm to me to help me get to something. Plus, rather than expect me not to be able to do something, they assume I can. Even if it is something I have difficulty with, they always help me figure out a solution.
I think because of having a blind mother and grandmother, my children and grandchildren view disability from a lens of abilities and not a lack of abilities. I hope as they grow up, when they encounter a child with a disability, they are more inclined to say, “OK, so what” and when they become employers, they will think nothing of hiring a person with a disability or finding ways to make accommodations for all.
Inclusion is 365 days a year, how can our community continue to build on our inclusive mindset?
I believe the path to true inclusion is through a change in our mindsets. Our mindsets inform our actions, and if we can change mindsets to view disability as just a part of the human experience, we will act in a more inclusive way.
In truth the goal is not inclusion – inclusion is a means to an end; the end is creating a community of belonging. We need to look at inclusion from a lens of both access in very practical terms like ramps for people in wheelchairs, sign language interpretation at programs and events, audio description and alt text, and accessible websites. We also need to look at it from a lens of adapting our mindsets. Ask ourselves: what is required is that we normalize disability and differences?
We are not all alike, we are all different. I am different from my sighted friends; my sighted friends are different from me. I am different from my friends with other disabilities and my non-disabled friends are different from each other. When we view disability this way as a normal part of the human experience and we stop referring to people with disabilities as being people with special needs and not just needs as we all have, we begin to shift our mindsets and action will follow.
We will begin to shift and naturally say our websites need to be accessible, our buildings need to be accessible, we need to have sign language interpreters at our events and programs. When we have that mindset we will begin to include and employ people with disabilities and better our community in the process.
About Michelle
Michelle Friedman began her career 40 years ago at Access Living as a case manager and independent living counselor. She’s been an active member in the community for over 30 years and has served as a lay leader for multiple non-for-profits, schools, camps, and social service agencies in the Chicago Jewish community. Friedman is also a certified life coach and helps people transcend the limitations and barriers in their lives to achieve their goals.
As a woman who is blind, Friedman is a passionate disability advocate. She speaks to school-age children from preschool to high school and organizations on disability awareness. Friedman is the author of two children’s books Close Your Eyes and There Once was a Camel. Currently, Friedman is the board chair of Keshet and she is committed to working with communities and organizations to bring disabled representation to the tables of power and influence, and create a more inclusive and just world for her children and grandchildren!
Image Description: Two photos of Michelle Friedman and her family on a grey background. The photo on the left is slightly bigger with a thick white border outline. It shows Michelle holding her grandson’s hand on her shoulder, her husband, and two other grandchildren and their yellow golden retriever. The image on the right is smaller and shows Michelle’s family including seven grandchildren and 5 children/spouses and husband. They are outside of a yellow building surrounded by palm trees.